ALONE

What is it…what are the words…..?

Mark has been so busy and so troubled with work. He has had more problems than he ever expected to have. He’s had to deal with people who yell at him, unethical people, probably illegal actions on the part of one, people he’s had to fire. He’s had to gain trust, stand up for truth and honor, teach, cajole, sympathize, manage, build, network, pacify, and so much more. He is consumed by his work and everything that goes with it. It’s a fishbowl here. Everyone knows what everyone else is doing….it’s a little scary. He must prove to this government what the rest of the world already knows about his abilities. I see his stress, I feel his stress and there’s nothing I can do.

I’m alone. He is here when he comes home, but he’s working in his head. He sees I’m out of sorts and asks about it, but what do I say? I don’t know myself!

I made an Irish Lamb stew last night he really enjoyed it.

I got juniper berries from a lady because another lady told her I needed them! It’s quite a network of women who are all in this together.

I am going to corn beef for St. Patrick’s Day! I’ve never done that before. I’m thinking about a St. Patty’s Day Party, but I’m not sure when. I am going to Cairo for 5 days from March 17th to the 21st with 6 other women. Some have lived there and know what they are doing. I’m so excited to be going……yet, I don’t feel excited. Mark has the official kick off for the project on the 11th. Prince Faisal will be hosting it and sending out the invitations. Pretty cool!!

Mark has been so busy he never knows what is going on. He forgets when things are or just doesn’t know but always forgets to tell me when he does. I gotta figure out a way for me to find things out without having to go through him.

We’re going to the Dead Sea this weekend. Eileen’s part of the project is having a training and Mark is going because he’s the boss. I’m tagging along as the official photographer! Mark didn’t want to go but does need to go. I only found out where we were staying last night.

My daughter’s are all struggling re: jobs. Such a sad situation for all of them. Melissa will probably lose her job next year due to funding cuts; Megan is looking for another teaching job in China because she is not happy working with drug addicts and violent people, and Cara is just searching. Even Jesse is waiting to hear about a new job at NPR so he can be close to Cara. (Sounds uncannily familiar!) Each is struggling with the changes in their lives and there is so little I can do. Thank God for Skype! I can at least keep in contact with them and they keep me posted on their lives.

Change can be difficult. It can be fun too.

Right now I sit in my apartment wondering what to do next. I have so much free time. I try to fill it with different activities, like writing a blog, cross stitch and a lot of computer games.

The housekeeper is here now, it’s raining outside and I’m going to meet a newbie for lunch. I guess that’s not much to complain about.

Bummed!

This morning I found out my daughter Cara would not be coming to visit us this week. She sent an e mail saying that she feels she needs to really start looking for work and she would like to visit when her sisters can come. It would have been wonderful seeing her, but I understand. None the less, I'm bummed.....

Backing up a little.....

.....We did get our sea freight about 1 pm on Valentine's Day. Everything was here and in good condition. Most everything has been unpacked. I'm just waiting to see where the pictures are going to be hung.

Megan gave me a beautiful red silk Chinese tablecloth for Christmas that I have no intention of using as a tablecloth. I want to get it hung as a tapestry. I just need to figure out how to do it. I have morning coffee tomorrow with the ladies. I'll ask them.

My scrapbook area is just about set up the way I want it......I think. I have my big "INSPIRE" that Brenda gave me on the windowsill that looks out to the bridge. I like it.

GOOD NEWS!!

Yesterday Mark, Glen, Aya and I went to the duty free zone to look for cars. It is on the way to Iraq! LOL! Well, that's what the sign says; it's actually about 45 minutes from Amman smack in the middle of the dessert. This is a huge area that has all kinds of cars - new and used. Mark and I were pretty lucky and seemed to find a car on the first day of looking. We will be getting an Acura MDX SUV!! OMG!! It's so big! I had really wanted to get a little manual car that got good gas mileage. But many of the women here told me I needed to get a larger car because if you have a little car the other cars - especially the taxis, won't "respect" you and will try and cut you off. Being a woman only makes this worse. I explained this to Mark who listened. However, we had been in agreement earlier about getting a little car. Mark asked the driver that took us to the duty free zone and he confirmed everything I was saying about how small cars and women are treated on the road. Hence the Acura MDX. Well, it's fully loaded and we got it for $17,000. We thought it was a pretty good deal. We don't actually own it yet. Now we have to do all the paperwork to get the car. No one in his office has done this before and so we are testing new waters. So, even though we have chosen a new car, it may not be in our possession for quite a while! AHHHHH, Life in the developing world.

WAITING

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Well, my sea freight is suppose to be here today !.... Much earlier today .... I'm still waiting.

Wasim, our landlord came by today with 2 gentlemen to fix all the leaks. I asked him to do this another day, but they were here now. I worry that they will get in the way of the movers, but there are no movers .... so what am I worried about?!

Stress level is rising. I have no control over any of this, so I'm eating more. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH !!!!!

DISAPPOINTMENT!

Today is Thursday, February 11th and I was SUPPOSE to get my sea freight at 2pm today. I just got a call from Manal (the woman in Mark's office who is the contact person for our belongings) who said that there was more stuff in customs than they had expected and it's Thursday (the weekend) and everyone doesn't want to work late....so....no stuff. Sunday morning I should get it.

On a lighter note, I have been meeting more people! WHOOO HOOO!! Yesterday I went to a lady's house that does quilting. There were about 6 or so women there. It was fun. I'm thinking about starting a project, but I thought my stuff was coming and I didn't want to start anything while I was in the process of setting up house.

I have met several wonderful friendly ladies and I look forward to getting to know them better. I am searching for a bridge group-a non threatening one. I may have found one, but we'll see. It's been so long since I've played I know there are things I have forgotten!

The day is just beautiful today. Must be about 70 degrees. I would love to be outside planting or something. Oh, well. I bought a gardinia plant for my mom. When we lived in El Salvador she told me I had to get a gardinia plant and plant it in my yard. It's her favorite flower. I did and it was beautiful! So, even though I do not have a yard, I will be getting large pots and start potting these plants for the terraqce!

Hopefully we are going to be getting a car this weekend...or at least looking for one. I really miss being able to just get up and go!

OK, I've been lazy!!

I can't believe it's February 6th! Time flies and I haven't felt like writing. Ok, so I'm lazy! Sorry, Brenda!

THE WEATHER.......

Today in Jordan, the sun is shining! According to CNN weather- it's 32 degrees going to a high of 42. We're suppose to get snow and rain again. The last few days we've had cold rainy, snowy, icy conditions. According to the locals, it's been a wet winter. Although it is cold here, I am keeping posted on the weather back home. Melissa sent me some pics from her phone of the BBQ grill and all the snow. She thinks there's about 12 inches so far and they are expecting at least another 10inches. Cara, Melissa and Jesse are at the house and hunkered down for the duration. I am having sympathy pains for everyone back home. I wish I were there.....and yet, I'm glad I won't have to deal with all that snow!

SLEEP...........

For reasons I am not understanding, sleep has been elusive for me. I keep waking about 4 - 4:30am. I don't like, nor do I tolerate, not sleeping well. I gotta figure something out!

TACO NIGHT...........

Thursday night I had our "family" here for dinner. Our new "family" consists of the ex-pats on the project. We really have a need to stick together and stay close with each other. It is hard being away from our real families!

Ok, I bought the "Old El Paso" flour tortillas. There are no hard taco shells in the store. There are corn tortillas which I cooked and turned into chips and they were a BIG hit! I bought the meat, avocados, tomatoes, lettuce etc. I had to make the sour cream and contrary to what I said in my last post, I used yogurt to make it and it turned out really well.

I told everyone that I was making tacos - like I would make for my kids - this was not anything formal. I bought some tequila and margarita mix and Mark made some delicious Margaritas! We drank them in our wine glasses! No one seemed to mind. Everyone came over in the cold wet rainy to have a family style dinner. Everyone has a tendency to stand around the island chatting while I'm cooking/preparing. I had thought this would drive me crazy, but for some reason, it's been fun.

One of the Short term consultants came with his wife. They are Mexican and I had her make the rice. She was happy to do so and it came out great!

My real success was the flan. I had never made flan before and was quite hesitant as I have been told it is not easy to make. So the night before I decided to give it a whirl. I got Emeril Lagasse's recipe and it had zest of lime, orange and vanilla bean in it....I had all the ingredients. First you have to make the caramel. I put the sugar and water into the pan and Emeril says, "Don't stir!" So I listened and did not stir! It turned a beautiful brown.

Then came the eggs and egg yolks and the flavoring. That was pretty straight forward.

Normally, you can put flan into individual ramekins or into a round flan pan, which I bought at the store. However, when you cook the flan it has to be in a water bath in the oven and I didn't have a pan large enough for that so I ended up making an oval flan.

Into my oven it went. It's suppose to cook slowly at 325 for about an hour. My oven temp can range from 300-500 even when it is set at one setting! AND it cooks very unevenly! So, needless to say, I was taking my flan into unsettling territory. After one hour Mark and I check the flan and it looks like it did when I put it in!! AHHHHH!! So, I raised the temp a little and 20 min later it looked more solid. Mark says, "I think it's done". I was a little skeptical but I took it out. I let it cool and kept in the refrigerator until I served it.

My heart was pounding as I took this fragile desert out of the refrigerator still in the casserole dish. I still didn't know how it was going to come out. I took the knife and loosened it from the sides and prayed. I didn't have any of my platters to put it on, so I put aluminum foil on the cookie sheet and turned the casserole dish filled with the flan onto it. Would it break into pieces? Would it hold its shape? Would it turn into mush because it hadn't cooked long enough? I was going to get my answers.....

.....IT WAS PERFECT!! WOW I DID IT! I brought it out for everyone to see I really did it! Next, the tasting. I thought this would taste good, but you never know until you get your reactions from your guests. Well, it was a hit! Not only that, our Mexican friends wanted MORE! I gotta say I was pretty proud of myself. That was definitely a "do again"!

PHOTOGRAPHIC SKILLS NEEDED……….
Mark’s team had a team building day on Thursday. He had all of his staff from him to the cleaner of the office together to talk about the project and to start to build the team. I volunteered my photographic “skills”.

I got some wonderful photos of almost everyone and a great group photo.